-feeling on how I would rather not have her around
-actions speaking vol how she does many things and I do almost none
-taking "people should up and leave" comment wrong, even after proper translation

oh bullshit.  you live in this world where i so am not doign this or that, yet i am.  i send you messages quite often, even that i love you.  its like im going to have to document each time so when you attempt to make me to be a liar, i can turn it around and make YOU to be the liar.  because im tired of being made out this uncaring person who I am not.  it almost seems that the things you do, you are not doing because you care, as your actions here almost make it look as if it is better to use against me than anything else.  barely speak at work my fucking ass.  i have plenty of documented work that shows just how much we do chat.  even the day i said i was going to be busy, which you gave your usual response...

and you go on, over and over, thinking how i would rather not have you around, despite me telling you otherwise.  how shitty is that, the fact ive not done anything to truly deserve being made it feel that way.  it is simply an emotional state, that your brain does, to... do whatever, make you mentally feel better, or whatever your brain is doing.  because there is absolutely no logical reason otherwise to continue to think that i would rather not have you around.

and since you seem to think what you do, another important action, especially these days, is the number of times i ride calls or go on MKBSY to get into these deep serious conversations that we get into.  all these things that you neglect to store in your memory when you go into how i up and barely do anything, or chat with you anymore

so that is utter bullshit.  you dont have to try.  you can continue to go on in all these negative aspects of who i am or am not, and how i do not do something so that is some justification for me not caring, because i dont do things that you or the rest of the populous does.  bullshit, it is not the truth, we chat a lot still here.  i still talk to you more than the combined efforts of any other human at Qwest.  you aer attacking me, even if
you are not meaning to.

your other sentance specifically stated, that I do not do it.  and I am more than certain that when you think the last time I told you i loved you, is not correct.  i say this because you have this massively negative outlook on my personna.  dont tell me you don't, you thinking i would rather not be around you is 100prct proof that your mind thinks what it does, and i will say your mind is attempting to make things better.  a good way to detatch yourself, by seeing i must not care, or want to be around you.  you act the part almost to a T regarding people who do that, to attempt to move on.

when i up and say 'hey, im tired of talking to you' or anything of the like, then when you attempt to go into how i must not want to be around you, ill change my story, because then you will have some rather solid evidence on the matter.  im not saying that you do not go on MKBSY or the like to chat with me, im defending myself, once again, in how I supposedly do not talk to you anymore.  barely, as you keep pointing out

it is not a matter of not being able to do some things.  im not attacking, im defending.  i dont tell you that you are wrong about everything.  what if i went into how you must so not care about me due to some of the things that you have claimed of me?  you would go into it, because i have inadvertenly(sp?) done this before to you, and you have.  so you go and do the same thing to me, talking how i must not want to be around you or something, and when i defend that, you say i attack you?  just because you are not here does not mean i forget about you.  as stated before, i DO come up and do something, give a call, send a txt from no where, and look what YOU remember.

"then I have to fight the fact that keeps happening in attempts to not let it get as bad as it some times does, because I realize how my mind is going to react, and know that im not going to have my work cut out for me.  I GET THAT WAY WITH EVERYONE, DAMNIT, THAT IS THE POINT IVE BEEN ATTEMPTING TO STRESS HERE {sigh}.  i know you sent it, however all of your other states drowned it out, with it being similar to you noting it that one time, then forgetting when you rant on about how you feel i dont do this or do that, yet, you just SAID that i did it.  you see the reason it seems like you are attacking me some times when you do that?

you are attempting to go into this fucking bullshit story how it looks the way it does, because i call her all the time, or whatever, when she makes more attempts to reach me.  so she gets those calls.  if you sent as much as she did, you would get the same fucking thing.  so dont you dare attempt to compare apples and oranges to make me, once again, show how i must not care or caer for her more.

NO YOU HAVE NOT.  they are two different things.  you have not done the same things, you have done different, and you got different results.  myles calls me, by the third time he is calling me asking for a clbk, he gets one.  when spark calls his 5th time hoping he did nothing to piss me off (because he was drunk and did who knows what), then he gets a clbk.  it is the same DAMN thing with everyone, yet you manage to attempt to personalize that it is all different for you than jen or anyone else.  there is nothing in being wiser in not thinking about you, because there is no logical sense in doing so.  once again, you prove me otherwise.  Im comaring you to everyone else who does it.

you know, I think that sums everything up I would ever debat into my point, ever.  er, most likely.  you said, 'i just wish you could show that as well', and you know what, i guess i cannot.  so anyone with a problem with that, whether it be you, or the rest of the world, should just leave me alone.  that is what I am sorry I cannot do.  it is very dependant on extra effort put forth by other people, and in a logical look, it really is not fair to the other, however, that is, unfortunately, me at this present time.

you know, that which you do not appreciate I do is something you have done to me many times.  so because that happens, it is extremely difficult for me to not do, and im sorry i end up doing that.  i end up doign things others do to me, and you are right, i do not like it, not one bit. that is the reason i some times have to take a step back.  what you claim holds true for you is just as true for me, in knowing what one feels.

the translation to what i say, goes that if people expect, and basically demand that i up and show all these things, when i have problems doing it for everyone, then they best not be around, because they are going to be heartbroken, possibly, for a long time to come.  and this comes, because of all these malice things said and done to me, i will some how, without attempt, retaliate as i some times do