This is not a break up letter

[madd74]

This is not a break up letter, even though it very well could be, or sound like it (at least originally before I edited it maybe).

I will leave Friday morning after you are ready, I am going to come back Sat morning. I am not going to be the asshole, as you so commonly refer me to, due my desire to have some time away from you

I had a bunch of stuff written up, but you know, what is the point, seriously. We argue, over and over, and you do not see my point, and I do not see your point, and frankly, we should really consider making arrangements with other people. I am not going to continue to live my life like this. I am around you CONTANTLY. I get no breaks from you. My comment about actually having some time with you was your attack on how I do not want to spend time with family. I have no problem spending time with Jarin, my issue is you. Over, and over, and over. The last time I attempted to actually take a vacation from you, I see it as you were selfish about it and wrote me a nasty little email anyway, because, well, that is how you work I guess. Some of the best couples out there still require time away from each other. You seem to think that I should spend every day off or vacation time with you.

You bitch and complain about almost everything about me. I wanted to leave Brian

[cmplxty7]

I would not mind you taking a break from me, or go visit your friends or whatever...I just do not see why it is such a problem for you to PLAN it! Both our lives have changed, and we do not have the option of just up and going out for one night without a little planning, much less a five day vacation over a holiday! If you want to plan a trip to see Stingray and take 4 days to spend with him, then PLAN it so arrangements can be made. You tell me how selfish I am, but how in the hell is it not selfish for you to up and decide to take the holiday weekend and use it for your own personal vacation leaving me with all responsibilities of home and Jarin without any notice?! I have plans for this weekend that I have been looking forward to, too, and you didn't even take that into consideration. That was just going to be my problem, huh?

And it sounds to me like you do want to break up with me. Not only that, but it sounds as if you want to be with someone else. Now you have taken something that was just problems between you and I and made it about being with other people. "we should really consider making arrangements with other people." Do you know how much that hurts? When here I have been ragging on one of my best friends because she up and decided that she "might" be happier with someone else and is throwing away her pretty good little family. I don't even want to discuss that anymore, but if there is someone else you would rather be with then go be with her and be happy.

Several years? Please. We haven't even been dating for 2 years. You didn't even ask me to be your girlfriend until I was 4 months pregnant with your child. I admit fault to much of our disagreements, but you cannot possibly put all of the blame on me. Little things like new curtains - you have turned that into a huge ordeal. Yes you. Because you won't let me just get them myself, yet you won't give me any input when we are together. So now it has been over a year and I have begged, pleaded, and been a bitch - over something as stupid as curtains. Anything to be sure my presence here isn't too permanent, huh? And you want me to understand your up and wanting to do something with no time to plan for it at all - but why can't you understand my need for some kind of structure? I need to have plans, especially for something like what you want to do. Not to mention having the responsibilities of a child, it is pretty much a necessity to plan things now.

I honestly don't even want you to come home Saturday now, as I know you would rather be somewhere else. And I am aware you just planned a trip with me. That's just the point - it was planned. And it took A LOT on my part to get that much done, and all you have to do is find out you have an extra day off work and you decide last-minute you want to have a 5 day trip with old friends. That hurts a lot, too. Why do I have to ask and beg and bitch for months to get a little commitment like a vacation? If your friends up there are so great that you would up and drop your family last minute for a weekend, then why don't you just move up there and spend all your time with them.

And I am sorry I ruined your WHOLE night at Brian's wedding reception because by 1:30 am I was tired and irritable and depressed. I wanted to leave after their first dance! But I stayed all night because I knew you wanted to be there.

Lastly, I do not understand how you feel that you are around me CONSTANTLY. We work opposite shifts. You have the house and Jarin to yourself most mornings. I am usually asleep by the time you get home. You have set plans for pretty much every Sunday evening/night. So you have to spend 1 1/2 days with me tops on the weekends. Sorry for not thinking that is so bad. The way I was raised that is what we did on the weekends - family stuff. I do not think that being able to eat dinner with you 2 nights a week is such a crisis. But apparently that is too much for you to deal with, and I am sorry for that. And it hurts me to no end that your break-up letter is pretty much that, except you put in a line that said it isn't.

I'm going to go do dishes and laundry now.

[madd74]

if you want that respect and that ability for some day that I do look into your eye as Brian did to Joann, then you better learn to let me be who I am, because I will not look any girl in the face like that who cannot respect me, and use excuses to act up against me. i cannot be conditioned that way, and I won't be conditioned as anyone's pet.

and I don't feel like telling a human being that I love them for any reason, I better not get pushed or forced into it as if there was an obligation to do so.

i otherwise am refraining from replying to this post as I originally was